first.

you know that crazy time, where everything you think, say, or do reminds you of them? you find yourself constantly smiling that humongous smile in spite of yourself. when you’re not with them thoughts of them are running through your mind? even though you swore not to be that annoying giddy person, you can’t help it. you wonder if your friends are annoyed yet with what feels like your constant talk of that person. yet part of you doesn’t seem to care, you don’t want it to end and you hope it never does.

however truth is, someday, whether it is sooner or later, it will end; that “crazy time”. the only thing is, do you 1. continue forward leaving behind the unpredictable “firsts” (first kiss, first date), and embrace comfortable “routines” (first anniversary, second anniversary)? or 2. do you get out at the first sign of comfort and start that crazy time again with someone new?

a good friend of mine told me that this crazy phase is caused by certain hormone levels in the body, and that certain hormone will inevitably run out. it makes sense. but for some reason i defy logical science and i hope i never stop feeling this way. and i hope that some day we can walk down the path to comfortable “routines” but still cross over to the path of “firsts”. if things don’t work out, maybe i’ll look back at this and consider myself a fool for writing this, and even more so for releasing it out into the internetsphere. but hey, we only live once, why not get it all out now? if i’ve learned anything in life, it’s that change should be embraced, change is constant.

i read something today extremely relevant to my life right now, “someday, someone will come into your life and be the answer as to why nothing in the past ever worked out”

i used to often wonder what could have been done to make a certain past relationship of mine work out, but perhaps this quote is the answer. when it comes down to it, things happen for a reason, and here’s one.

am i stringing together incoherent sentences? perhaps, but it is late, i usually can’t function after 10:00 pm.